The Diary of a Siriusly Demented Girl
by moneymakestheworldgoround
Summary: Kit White's life was completely boring until someone stumbled across her while she was dressed in only underwear that wasn't even hers. From there, her life is suddenly turned upside down. SiriusOC [on hiatus too ...]
1. Demented Holidays and Dementedness

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Demented Holidays and Dementedness**

**-**

**Hiya! This is my first attempt of a story written in diary format. Be nice, okay? **

**-**

**August 20th **

**7:00 PM**

**My stinking bedroom on my stupid bed**

OMG. This is so STUPID. I HAVE A DIARY!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is something I have sworn against … ever since … a long time ago (and just between me and you, that's means 10 minutes).

OMG. I AM CRAZY. I HAVE JUST GOTTEN A DIARY AND I AM TALKING TO IT, AND REFERRING TO IT AS A 'YOU' ALREADY.

I hate my mum.

God. Now, you're probably wondering who the hell I am. The answer is simple. I am the Demented Freak. Haha. NOT FUNNY. But that doesn't matter does it? Hoho.

Okay, I give up.

…

NO I DON'T.

I REFUSE to give up to a pesky little BOOK.

…

Stop that.

I don't like glares.

Or am I glaring at myself?

ANYWAY I DON'T LIKE YOU.

…

STOP THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T LIKE YOU.

Okay, okay, OKAY FINE!!!!!!! You WIN!

My name … my seriously demented name is … Kit. Kit White. I HATE MY NAME. Well, no, it's not Kit, though no one calls me anything else.

Wait. They do. No one, at school, anyway, calls me anything except the teachers, but they call ms Miss White. So there. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Wait – HOWEVER if someone DOES notice me and doesn't ignore me, you know what they call me? HEY. They go, "Hey, can you move out of the way please?" Or "Hey, shove off." Or "Hey, you're blocking the view." Or "Hey, can you pass me the cheese?"

Okay, my ACTUAL name is Kathy. But that's so …BORING. I mean, how many people are called KATHY?? Lots.

But Kit?? Nah, I like Kit. And you know … Kathy – Kat – Kitty – Kit. Yeah. Get the picture? Like … _meow_. HAHAHA. Please don't think I was laughing. 'Coz I wasn't.

Um, all this time … I HAVE BEEN BLABBING ABOUT MY NAME. GOD, AM I VAIN OR WHAT??!

I do not like to think of myself as a vain person.

Mum thinks being vain is good sometimes. Then you get what you want. Hmph.

Hah. There I go again. And NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY THINKING … WHO THE HELL IS THIS IDIOT TO BLAB ON ABOUT HER MUM WHEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A MUM IS???

'Coz you don't. You're a bloody diary.

Okay, a mum … is … the person who … GOD. I DON'T KNOW. Okay, I'll just say … a person comes into the world from popping out of her … thingy.

AND NOW YOU'RE PROBABLY WONDERING WHAT THIS THINGY IS.

WELL I'M NOT GOING TO TELL YOU, YOU BLOODY DEMENTED DIARY SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY BRAINS ANYWAY.

…

Stop looking at me like that. Well, technically you're not looking at me since you don't have eyes … but WHATEVER.

Okay, let's ditch this, shall we? And I shall tell you about my MUM.

My mum is blonde, beautiful, but not a dumb blonde since she actually has brains. BUT SHE USES THOSE FOR THE ENTIRELY WRONG THINGS!!!

And you know why???

She works … AS A SEXUAL EDUCATION TEACHER. For Muggles AND us.

I know.

FERAL.

I was so … SHOCKED when I found out. Like, OMG WHAT KIND OF KID WANTS TO KNOW THAT YOUR MUM TEACHES SEXUAL EDUCATION, EH??

But my dad …

He ALSO works for something disgusting.

He is an editor for a magazine.

Okay, that's not so bad, you might think. ONLY IT'S NOT.

IT'S A MAG FOR MEN.

You know … the … type where … well, IT'S LIKE PORNO.

SICK.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN SICKER??? HUH???

MY MUM.

SHE HAS BEEN IN THE MAG.

EVEN ON THE DAMN FRONT PAGE.

And you need to be kind of famous to do that. But it turns out Mum was quite the celebrity when she was younger. Hah!!

And the mag is called _Do It Right_. I MEAN HOW LAME CAN YOU GET!????? HUH??? I MEAN, MUM WAS FAMOUS YEAH, BUT … YEAH!!!!

BUT STILL!!! YOU DO NOT WANT TO COME HOME ONE DAY AND FIND LOTS OF THOSE MAGAZINES LYING AROUND, LEAST OF ALL WITH A PICTURE OF YOUR MUM NAKED AND COVERING HERSELF UP OR SOMETHING!!!

OMG. I HAVE TWO SICK PARENTS.

SO WHY AREN'T I SICK??????

Hmph. Okay, Dad has brown hair, these kind of strange eyes … kind of like … silvery or something.

Mum has these … I dunno. Sort of … greeny … bluey …

So THEREFORE, I have a pair of WEIRD EYES. Okay, mum was blonde, right? And Dad has thick chestnut hair. SO I HAVE STINKY BRUNETTE HAIR HOHO.

Wait. Isn't brunette … brown??

Poo.

So actually, my hair is light blonde with streaks of darker brown. God. BUT MY EYES ARE SO DEMENTED. I HATE THEM.

I don't even know what colour my EYES ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God, am I STUPID OR WHAT???

Fine, I'll try. Now looking into this stupid mirror … my eyes … GOD WHAT IS WITH ME??? Okay, my eyes are KIND OF blue. Or green. But they look really silvery too. Which is a real annoying THINGAMABOB since SOMETIMES when I look at people … they feel … FREAKED OUT. GOD. AM I LIKE A FRIGGIN' ALIEN OR SOMETHING?? HUH???

Okay, I AM vain. Hmph. Mum was a model when she was younger, and she still has the body. It's so … WEIRD that she teaches … UAL EDUCATION. You see, I did not write the words for I do not want to scar you idiotic diary any more. Hmph, be nice you moron. BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY NICE TO A STUPID BOOK THAT ISN'T EVEN FRIGGIN' ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so MUM told me that because this was my last year of Hogwarts … I should keep a blooming diary for a 'memory thingy'. HAH!!!

I AM SAD.

Okay, so I better sum my life up so far. I am a witch, go to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a girl, and I am a Gryffindor.

God. I DO NOT KNOW WHY I BELONG IN THE DAMN HOUSE OF BRAVERY. ROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See, even YOU aren't scared.

Look – these are the most important facts about me:

I am a nerd

I am a loner

I am ugly

I am a Gryffindor even though hardly anyone else knows because my tie is so old it looks like it could've been anything and I can't bother changing or buying a new one because I like to stay inconspicuous

I have sick parents

I have no friends. Can you believe that? I am friendless, ugly, cowardly, in a family with insanity, and I am not stupid, unfortunately. Wait – I don't want to be stupid, even though … um … Well I'll just start a new paragraph for this interesting bit. lol

Well, through my years through Hogwarts I have come to the conclusion that being stupid is cool. You want examples? Fine. Here they are in order.

Sirius Black – very stupid. Likes to prank, and he even FLIRTS with some of the teachers!! God!! Okay, I think he is kinda of smart underneath the façade, but OBVIOUSLY he TRIES not to be smart because he thinks it's (using his words) 'not hot'.

James Potter – very stupid too. GOD. He has been chasing after a girl for SIX YEARS!!!! And does she like him? NO. In fact, she HATES him. Well, makes everyone think so anyway. I, however, know she fancies him, at least a little, because I saw a faraway look in her eyes when she looked at him in class when he was dared to not talk to her at all. BUT, she acts stupid to his affections and yeah. God, is THAT stupid or what?

Peter Pettigrew – so stupid I think he's not human. He tags after Black and Potter like they're his HEROES or something!!! HONESTLY. He needs to get a life!!

Remus Lupin – he's not very stupid actually. He's kinda of intelligent and nice. BUT, he is VERY STUPID to be hanging out with that gang of stupid people!!

And those Top 4 Stupid People actually even have a stupid name for themselves. The MARAUDERS. Lame or what, huh? God.

They are the stupidest people EVER. But also the most popular too, so I guess being stupid is cool.

Wait – there is one more stupid person. MARY SUE.

Crap. Dinner. See YOU, you demented diary of mine. More about the bimbo later.

-

**August 25th**

**2:50 PM**

**In the ruddy damn study**

Hah. Haven't written in this blasted diary for ages. God, HAHA that sounds so funny! Writing in YOU!!!!!!!!!! Imagine what someone would look like if I said to them, "I am writing in you."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God. My stomach feels … so FULL. Well I guess it would since I just ate lunch, so yeah.

I think I am too skinny for my own good. I don't know why. Maybe it's to do with the fact that my parents SUCK at cooking.

Hmph.

-

**August 25th **

**5:00 PM**

**On the stupid floor in the hallway**

Okay, weird place to write, but I don't feel like moving after that tedious job of running around the block for some random thing my mum calls 'exercise'.

I mean, HONESTLY! I am fit enough, thank you very much!!! Well, maybe not fit, since I get tired running, but I'm skinny enough, so THERE!

God, I hate my body. It's exactly like Mum's unfortunately. Skinny, but curvy. And the curvy bit it what I DO NOT LIKE.

Its hard finding proper clothes, you know! It's NOT FAIR that I have Mum's body!!! I hate to admit it, but my boobs are too big, and my butt is too big, but that just goes really weirdly with my stupid SKINNY BODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Which is why I always wear clothes two sizes too big for me. Besides, it's more comfy this way.

I should shrink my butt and my … chest!!!

OMG I AM BECOMING CONCEITED AND VAIN AND MEAN AND SELF-CONSCIOUS. AND I DON'T WANT TO. I HATE THIS SO MUCH I WANT TO KILL THE STUPID WHATEVER IT IS THAT MADE ME LOOK LIKE THIS.

Ah. Would that be … I dunno, Muggles call it DNA. Do they? I dunno. Maybe I got it wrong.

Oh, I should mention this. Mum's the pureblood, and Dad is a half-blood, so what does that make me? Um … I have no idea. The … pure half-blood? Okay, that's stupid.

You know what? I have an inkling that this year I won't be ignored. Wait – this inkling – maybe it's just me. Yeah. Oh, I dunno. It's probably my stomach telling me I ate too much.

Okay, this is my list of people I don't like:

**Sirius Black:** He is a mongrel. He doesn't know who I am (well to tell the truth, no one does anyway) and he's really mean. He plays a game with all the marauders to snag an ugly or not popular girl then dumps them on the night to snog with his flavour of the week. HOW MEAN IS THAT?? AND, he was pulling a prank on Snape, but it got me instead, BUT he HEXED ME AND I WAS SENT TO THE HOSPITAL WING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Severus Snape:** He's MEAN. And his face … IT'S DISGUSTING. Now, usually I am not a person who doesn't like people because of his looks. BUT THIS IS AN EXCEPTION. His nose is so … BIG. His hair is so … OILY. And you know what?? I happened to overhear one time that he … HAS RED HAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It turns he hates red so he put a spell on to make his hair black. Hmmmm … one day I should take a bucket of hair-dye remover and tip it on his head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Lucius Malfoy:** He is soooooooooooooooooo mean. Okay, he's really, really, really, really, REALLY god looking, BUT … he looks at people like we're dung. MAN O MAN HE IS AN IDIOT. Plus, he speaks like he's the best and everything, and talks as if he was born in the 17th Century or something. Once u overheard him talking to his girlfriend, Narcissa, and this is what the idiot said: "Oh, my lovely maiden, I do hope that courting you will one day blossom to a more beautiful relationship. But for now, I will be a gentleman to such a beautiful lady, and I hope you do not mind, my dear." I MEAN HONESTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well, at least he doesn't use 'thees' and 'thou' and 'wither' and stuff. If he did … I would ALMOST feel sorry for the Narcissa Black.

**Well, basically I don't like any Slytherins, and you know what?** **I don't think anyone likes me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Oh, one more. MARY SUE:** CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT A GIRL IS ACTUALLY CALLED **MARY SUE**???!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Worse, she ACTS like one. A mary-sue I mean. Is that even the way you spell it? Anyway, she' a SNOB. And her bro is called GARY SUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Sue as their last name). Their parents must be WHACKO. THEY'RE SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They SERIOUSLY can't raise their kids right. But … I have to congratulate them for being so smart to call their idiot children … those … NAMES.

So … that's it, really. Well, okay, I don't HATE them. I just … DON'T LIKE THEM. Hey, I just realised something. My last name is White, right? Well, Black's name is … BLACK DUH. So … MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Opposites!!!! Now I can use this as an excuse to LOATHE him. HAHA.

Oh, and guess what Black's middle name is? Well, it should be Orion or Phineas, or something like that yeah? NO! It's LEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHA!!!

You know, as in Sirius Lee?? Seriously?? HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! Funny parents. Well, I heard his parents were pureblood idiots, but still.

Yeah, and we had to study 'pureblood history' (I know, how STUPID is that!?) during History of Magic, and it turns out there's this random woman called Lucretia Black, and his parents were hardly going to call him a female name, so made it 'Lee' since the it started with 'L' anyway. Like, that is so stupid.

Hmph. Now what? Oh well, see you, you stupid book. I don't feel like writing anymore so suffer. HAHA.

-

**August 27th**

**11:24 AM**

**Outside on the green grass … well it IS hot, you know!!!**

Okie-dokie …

LAME LAME LAME.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was completely and utterly random just for you to know. Not really. I felt like doing that.

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lookie!!! Guess how long until Hoggy Warts starts!!

You don't know of course. BUT I DO.

The answer is this: THREE MORE DAYS.

That's right. Three more days of utter boredom. Three more days of getting away from my parents. Three more days until I have to turn invisible again.

When I say 'invisible', I don't really mean that literally. It's just that I AM invisible. As I wrote earlier, I am a loner. That's LONER, L – O – N – E – R. LONER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have NO friends. NO ONE knows who I am. Those that might actually notice me think I'm just one of those random people in the school you don't know. Hell, they don't even know what HOUSE I'm in!

My tie … honestly! You know, I am a KLUTZ. I fall over so much and my tie is so … OLD, that it's just …really … weird.

God. You know, I do get lonely at times. And as much as I hate so say it … now I finally have someone to talk to!!!

… Wait I don't. You don't talk. You're a book. I write in you, but you don't do anything back. GOD YOU SUCK MAN.

But still. And I suppose with no friends I had to do SOMETHING, so maybe that's why I study all the time.

Hey, did I also mention I don't sleep in the Gryffindor Tower? No, I found this really nice room on the top floor. You can only get to it by going through this secret passageway. The thing is, it's like a maze, and you can only get to my little secret room by going the right way. And you know what it is?

By turning right every time.

Haha, it's funny. Right is right, eh?? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

And really, it is COOL. All my stuff goes there. I think the elves bring in our luggage. Either that or magic. But because of this, I send all my stuff to 'my' room when we get there.

Well, it worked for six years.

And other than dead ends, you can exit from two places: the place where you enter on the top floor – and the library. I know! There's this little door behind these shelves and I can squeeze through because I am skinny. It's really helpful! And it enters into my own room too!

And yeah.

Hmmmmmmm …

Did you know that I do every subject? I just want to keep my options … well, so I have lots of choices to what I want to be. As in, like a job.

Well, I DEFINITELY know I'm not going to be what my mum and dad do!!!

The idea is laughable. Honestly. If _I_ told kids about … well, you know, IT … I can almost picture them. They would be shocked. I mean, I AM a nerd. They'll think: She's a recluse, what the hell is she DOING telling us how to Do It safely when she DOESN'T EVEN LIKE TO SAY THE DAMN WORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, and imagine the world's reaction when I appear on the magazine. The people would probably stop buying it and burn it because they'd be too grossed out.

And if I had to write stuff and do stuff in Dad's mag, I'd probably stuff up big time.

Honestly, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO BE.

But that's okay, isn't it?

You know, I talked to McGonagall in fifth year. And you know what she suggested? That's right. An AUROR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The idea is too funny for words. I mean, picture this: ME, the klutz, the ugly loner freak, the coward who got sorted into Gryffindor as an AUROR! hehe

Oh, she also said I could do anything I really wanted anyway because I have gotten over full marks in our tests. 'Coz I did extra stuff. WELL YOU CAN'T BLAME ME.

So yeah. You know, there's this girl called Lily? Yeah, her. She's like the girl everyone wants to be. Well, when she got an O on it, but it wasn't full marks OR over full marks either, and when she HEARD someone ELSE got the top score (McGonagall likes to brag, did you know that?), you know what she did?? HUH??????????????

SHE SCREAMED AND YELLED TO EVERYONE THAT THE PERSON CALLED KATHY WHITE HAD BETTER SHOW HERSELF AND STOP BEING A COWARD BECAUSE SHE PROBABLY WASN'T REAL.

Yeah. Well, I WISELY kept quiet like the coward I am.

Geez. That Lily REALLY needs to control herself. I mean, she's got everything. Why's she gone all … bitchy at some random girl anyway?

Anyway, see you. My hand really hurts, I am sticky and I need to go and take a shower.

Oh be quiet you! If YOU had a shower, you'd DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! So SHUT IT.

Thank you.

-

**August 28th**

**6:43 PM**

**In a changing room. I know, WEIRD, but I need to hide from Mum.**

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm at a shopping centre, I don't know what it's called – I don't pay attention to this kind of stuff – and guess what?

MUM WANTS TO BUY ME A WARDROBE OF LINGERIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know. Kill me.

She keeps saying: "Oh, dearie, you don't even have a boyfriend! Wait – I don't think you've HAD a boyfriend yet! Oh, we need to make you suitable at once! Then they'll all come flocking! Here, try these on!"

Honestly.

Sorry, but I can see quite a few things that are WRONG in that statement.

I don't have a boyfriend, haven't had a boyfriend, that's true, but SO WHAT? And I don't think wearing expensive undies that are barely there and just itch your butt and chest are going to help SINCE IT'S NOT LIKE I'M GOING TO TAKE MY BLOODY CLOTHES OFF AND SHOW EVERYONE! I mean, no one will see them anyway! GOD.

Oh, and I sincerely doubt that they (meaning guys) will 'flock' to me, SINCE I AM INVISIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And REALLY, I DON'T LIKE LACE UNDIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cotton ones are just fine, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

OMGOMGOMGOMG.

HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mum just threw something over the door … and it … is a …black and transparent G-string.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

G-STRINGS JUST MAKE YOUR BUTT ITCH ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

So that is why I just threw it over the door again.

Oops. I think it landed on someone's head, since I hear choking and indignant gasps outside.

See you.

-

**August 29th**

**12:01 AM**

**In my room DUH! Where else would I be right now?**

Okay … YOU KNOW WHAT MUM DID? SHE BOUGHT ME THESE UNDERGARMENTS FIT FOR PEOPLE WHO POLE DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God. I think I'm going to bury this. I mean, it doesn't really matter. We're pretty well off since Dad's an editor and Mum used to be a famous model so she still does these little shows and things.

Or maybe I'll give it to this really poor lady who will love these no matter what. No. That is too mean. I don't want anyone suffering. Except the people who designed these of course.

I know! I'm going to get all my old clothes and just go out and give it to people. Yeah. I'll do that tomorrow.

Anyway, that thing with the G-String? Turns out it landed on some pretty hot guy's head. Uh huh. BUT WHAT THE HELL WAS A GUY DOING IN THE GIRL'S CHANGING ROOMS?????????????????????

I think he was spying on random girls. PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And it didn't help that Mum dragged me to the most expensive shopping centre here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They could do SO much with all this stupid decorating. And anyway, it's too … blinding. There's so many lights and candles and stupid diamonds floating around (it's a magic thingy, don't you worry).

Hmph. You know, that guy who had that G-String on his head … he looked really familiar. REALLY!

I felt like I'd seen him before.

And yeah. So you wanna know what I did?

Well, 'coz he was SHRIEKING so much, I grabbed it off his head and stuffed it in his mouth.

I know. Haha, funny. But it worked. He shut up and just LOOKED at me. It was CREEPY.

Anyway, I think I should sleep now.

-

**August 30th**

**9:03 PM**

**Somewhere in the house**

I'm in my room again by the way.

Yeah. WELL!!!!!!!!!! Last day of hols. You know, THIS IS 7TH YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL NEVER EVER AGAIN HAVE ANOTHER YEAR OF SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know. Sad.

I don't sound like a 17 year old, do I?

Good. 'Coz I'm not. I'm 16. My birthday is like one of the last days of the year. I turn 17 … in ages.

Tomorrow I will go to Hogwarts again. Yup.

Who knows? MAYBE I'LL BE A FAMOUS QUIDDITCH PLAYER.

And I love pink.

Both of them were lies.

Just for you to know.

Yeah.

Well, on my way, I have set out my clothes: a nice, big, brown Muggle turtleneck jumper thingy that's extra large and Muggle, faded jeans that could fit my dad, and yeah.

I think I'll just tie it up. Who cares? Don't want to leave it out. It feels so … _revealing_ when my hair's done.

So yeah.

Did you know I kind of have photographic memory? Not really, but I can always remember conversations and stuff word by word. Real handy, eh? MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

Well, anyway …

See YOU, probably on the train tomorrow.

**XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo XoXo **

**SO …………………………..**

**I know I should be spending this time on my other stories but I was reading these diary entries and just got inspired!! **

**Can't blame me much, it's just … so hard to resist. So yeah**

**You know, Kit is kind of like me in a way. I'm not that naïve, but I've kind of got the same personality. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Would YOU shove a pair of undies in some random and really good looking guy? **

**Anyway, REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

**Please? puppy eyes**

**JUST REVIEW DAMN YOU.**

…

**I don't see you reviewing!**

**SO REVIEW.**

**HAH!**

**Oh, do you guys actually like this? Should I continue with this? And if I don't get enough reviews, I might not update … **

**REVIEW! **


	2. A Demented Train Ride and G String Boy

**The Siriusly Demented Diary of a Siriusly Demented Girl**

**CHAPTER TWO**

**A Demented Train Ride and G-String Boy**

**Okay, you guys DO realise the story is called: The SIRIUSLY Demented Diary of a Siriusly Demented Girl, right?**

**Even though it's called The Diary of a Siriusly Demented Girl.**

**But it won't fit.**

**Oh, and responses to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Daley – Hah! Really?? Thanks! **

**phobiaofseaweed – a breath of fresh air, eh?? Thanks!! **

**Ah well. Enjoy! **

-

**September 1st**

**11:45 AM**

**In an empty compartment on the stupid bloody train**

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'M OFF TO SEE THE WIZARDS, THE WONDERFUL WIZARDS OF HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and the witches. And not all of them are wonderful. Well, Dumbledore is okay, and McGonagall is too strict, but I bet she has a sense of humour underneath all that façade.

Well, I'm guessing a full report on what happened earlier on is essential.

WELL …

I got up. And then I remembered that I hadn't packed yet. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So … I packed. Yeah, I fell over like, FIVE times. No, TEN TIMES. OH THE EMBARRASSMENT AND PAIN!!! PAIN! PAIN!

Yeah. And then we got there … kind of late.

Also on our way there, I saw Muggle soup kitchen, so I threw this huge bag of clothes at them. You know, filled with all these damn clothes I don't want? Yeah.

Well, I DID say I would do it! And I never go down on my word!

Anyway, after the embarrassing farewells my Mum gave me ("Don't forget to wear those lingerie I bought you, darling! Remember, they'll come flocking!") and Dad's suspicious one ("See ya, kid. Oh, and I'll be sending you a surprise in a few days!"), I'd left them and went to sit in my little haunted compartment.

So here I am now.

Hmmm …

Oh, look at that! I see lots of trees!

And sky! Blue sky!

Oh. You know what? I never get to get food from the trolley because the plump lady is also scared of this compartment, so she won't open the door and she won't see that there is no evil ghost oh whatever in there and its just a girl so she can let me buy food from her but NO! SHE'S A LITTLE SCARED PERSON LIKE EVERY OTHER STUPID MORON IN THIS DAMN SCHOOL.

Well, I feel like doing something, so I'll send all my stuff (except my uniform and stuff I need like, now) up to my little room at Hogwarts.

Ah. Hmmm …

Time to take a nap.

-

**September 1st**

**1:36 PM**

**In the 'haunted' compartment …**

Well hiya again. Boy, that was a nice nap. Hmmmm … What's that outside? It ANNOYING ME. I need to shut them up now, excuse me. I can't sleep.

-

**September 1st**

**1:59 PM**

**In here again **

OMG. OMG. I LET DOWN MY GUARD AND SOMEONE SAW ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WASN'T INVISIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh friggin' crap. Okay, what happened … hmmmmm … Okay, I'll tell you it. Like I am there, not was there. Deal?

Well, I went outside with my wand out, you see, but then you know what I saw?

That's right. Well, there were these two boys just … _flying_ through the air at me (the 'haunted' compartment is at the very end of the train so there is this … wall thingy) so naturally, I duck.

Well, they hit the wall, and then slide to the floor on their backs. Boy, they look so FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hehe

I mean, one had his mouth open and a hint of drool on the edge, and his nose (BOY IT WAS BIG!) looked funny. Oh, his hair was really messy, which was even funnier 'coz his hair was so … GREASY!!!!!!!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah. His skin was all … SALLOW. And white and YELLOW!!!!!!!!!!! It was so FERAL.

And his teeth … URGH!! All … peeling, well, kind of, its like all … oh, I dunno. I just shuddered from disgust, just for you know. Urgh!

Anyway, the other guy was more good looking, but he looked really SNOTTY and even with his long, silver-blonde hair a little mussed up, he still looked like a SNOTRAG. Is snotrag a word? No. I don't think so. Whatever. Snot rag? Snot-rag? Meh. Yeah, and his name, I THINK is … Luci? Lucy Us? Um … something like that.

ANYWAY, they were just on the floor, groaning, so I stand over them, and look down at them.

Then these two guys come barrelling down the hallway and start laughing. Usually, I would just run away and hide, but then I was shocked.

It was G-String Boy! And some random messy-haired dude.

Well, they're laughing and everything, and they're even doubled over. Honestly! They're rolling around on the floor! They have NO sense of pride whatsoever!!

Well, I am SHOCKED that he's here! Just for you to remember, the really good looking guy I have dubbed 'G-String Boy' was the guy who was perving around in the Female Changing Rooms, and he was shrieking 'coz a G-String landed on his head, and he was so loud I barged outside and stuffed it into his mouth to shut him up. Well, Mr Diary of whatever your demented name is, I hope you're happy now.

Anyway, because I was so … SHOCKED that G-String Boy was here, I yelled out, "Hey, you're that G-String boy!"

Well, naturally, they stop laughing, and stare at me.

"Who are _you_?" the messy one asks. Hmmm. He's a Gryffindor, I'm ready to bet. He's got the 'look' – you know: the reckless and idiotic look.

"Yeah!" says G-String Boy. "Hmmm … you know, if you ditch that … _sack_ you're wearing, you could actually be pretty hot!"

Oh, and suddenly his face looks shocked when we lock eyes, and he looks at the ceiling and says, "If there is a god up there, THANK YOU!"

And now he looks back down again at me. Now he's staring with his head cocked to the side and his eyes looking dreamy.

I flushed, of course. I mean, this was a guy who had a G-String stuffed into his mouth, YET he is still talking to me like he didn't shriek in a Girl's Changing Room! And who was he to call my beautiful brown jumper a _sack_?! And now he's STARING at me.

Well, I of course, composed myself, and said, or something like it, "_I'm_ the girl who saw _him_ – G-String Boy –" I jab my finger at G-String Boy – "perving around in a Girl's Changing Room, and decided to scream and panic when a pair of underwear landed on his head!"

G-String Boy nods absently, and mutters something like, "I knew it was her …"

The boy that wasn't G-String Boy stared at me and started laughing.

"Padfoot – buddy – you – again – caught – pervert – spy – girls – never learns!" he choked out.

I blinked. "Did you mean that G-String Boy is called 'Padfoot' and he's your buddy, and he's perved around for a long time, and he caught, but he never learns?" I ask.

This time, _they_ blink.

"Wow." That came from the one who wasn't G-String Boy. Then he straightens and smirks at G-String Boy. "G-String Boy?"

G-String Boy protests, obviously. I mean, he's such a dimwit, I'd be surprised if he didn't. All dimwits usually protest. The ones who aren't dimwits get out of situations by talking … smoothly. Unfortunately, that is something that I cannot achieve easily, eh?

"No! I'm NOT G-String Boy! G-String Boy is probably a stupid perv! I mean, no one called 'G-String Boy' would be as hot as me, wouldn't they? I mean, I'm so cool, so sexy, and so HOT! I CANNOT BE CALLED G-STRING BOY!"

I snort. "_Hot_?" He really is a bit … arrogant, isn't he? Ha!!

The messy-haired boy started to laugh. "Hey, Padfoot! That's a first! She actually thinks you're not hot!"

G-String Boy, or Padfoot, looks shocked.

"How could you?" he asks me. He actually looks rather contrite. Well, not sorry, but more … sad. Sorta. But of course, that look doesn't help when you have a swollen head.

"How could I not like you?" I ask. "Well, obviously because you're a pervert. Also because you have a swollen head and you think you are better than everyone else –"

"– But I am!"

"– because you're not," I continue as if he hadn't interrupted. "And do you think that with your attitude you're going to get anywhere?"

"Yeah, of course! I have lots of fan clubs, you know!" he protests.

"Yes, but would you actually _want_ to have a relationship that actually _means _something with one of them?"

G-String Boy stops. And pauses. And scratches his head. Then his nods as if thinking, and finally says, "But I don't want a proper relationship, so there!"

I snort. "Womanizer!" I throw at him.

"Ouch."

Then he pauses, and then a little grin creeps onto his face. "But when I first saw you …" he says slyly, "You looked _really_ hot. After all, you were wearing basically nothing."

I choke. Then I remember. I had stormed out IN THE UNDERGARMENTS MY MUM WANTED TO BUY ME, and after I had stuffed it in his mouth, he'd … looked at me really … creepily. Then I understood what his expression had been when he'd _looked_ at me.

I shiver. I DID NOT like people – no matter how hot they were – lusting over my body. Mum said I had a 'killer body' because I got it from her. How … sick.

This is really disgusting. Now I understand the term: Undressing with your eyes.

Urgh! Stupid G-String Boy! I want to smash his eyes now.

Hmph! Grrr! That stupid little dimple on his face!!!!!!!! He is smirking so widely that his face will fall apart without my help. But I will still smash it.

Suddenly, just as my hand is balled into a fist, a groan from underneath me makes me jump.

"Would you mind not standing so I am in a position to see your underwear?"

I look down. I had forgotten about the two people who had flown down the hallway and crashed spectacularly right in front of my compartment.

Then I realise that the blonde haired one was looking disgustedly up my baggy pants, and the slimy haired one looked quite happy about the arrangement.

With a yelp, I jump off them and in my haste, trip over my feet and fall down.

G-String Boy laughs a little, but then comes up to me, holding out a hand. "Want some help?"

"Shut up, G-String Boy!" I snarl.

He pouts. "My name's Sirius! Sirius Black! S – I – R – I – U – S! Sirius Black! NOT G-String Boy!"

I stop. I blink. Then I start laughing. I had to stop myself from rolling around though. Didn't exactly want to.

Sirius! Sirius Black! The one who was number one on my stupidity list! The womanizer! You know, the last time I paid attention to him was in Year Three. These last years had me just listening to rumours and stories about him. No wonder I couldn't recognise him!

When I stop, I stand and smirk, and then of course, start glide back into my compartment, but then a question from the messy-haired boy stops me.

"Why are you going in? Isn't it haunted?"

Then I start laughing again. This time, I have to sit down because my stomach hurts so much.

"'Yes'," I say at last. Sarcastically. But Messy-Haired Boy doesn't take the hint.

"Then why …?"

"_I'M_ THE EVIL GHOST IN THERE YOU DIMWIT!" I yell.

Okay, I didn't say that. I really said:

"There's no ghost or poltergeist or sprite or even demon, okay? The 'evil' thing that has been in there these past six years has been me, even though technically I'm not evil.

"And obviously, people at this school love rumours and because this compartment didn't get cleaned, someone had to go blab and tell everyone it was preoccupied with some idiot spirit, so now it _never_ gets cleaned!"

Everyone in the vacancy stared at me. Then G-String Boy says, "So all this time, it was just … _you _in there?"

I snort, and don't answer him. Instead, I go into my compartment, close and lock the door, and sit down.

Hmph. I can see him through the dusty window, and he's still staring.

…

Well … quite interesting about what happened, eh? You know, that was the most interaction I've ever had with people from Hogwarts! I'm quite proud of myself!

And how weird is it that G-String Boy turned out to be no other than Sirius Black, the guy who's got not a few fan clubs and flavours of the week?

Weird.

And now I'm going to change into the Hogwarts uniform. You know, every girl finds their way around the plainness of the uniform … except me. I buy it two sizes too big, leave my sleeves hanging loose, and so on. Other girls roll up the end of the robes or stitch little beads or stuff into it. Some even cut it so it looks like a little tunic or something up to their thighs, even though it's not really allowed. But then, Dumbledore's such a softie, he doesn't mind.

And nearly every girl rolls the hem of their skirt up so it's shorter, and in summer, every girl rolls their sleeves up so it looks a little bulky. Don't ask me why. Oh, and most wear accessories.

Except me – but I'm the loner, so it's not like I care, right?

Well, I think I should take a rest and sleep again since I got distracted. By what, you might ask? Lots of things I'm not sure about right now. See ya!

-

**September 1st**

**12:42 AM**

**My room (at Hogwarts anyway), I call it My Room II**

Well … the rest of the day went without a hitch, only G-String Boy – wait, its _Sirius Black_ now – kept looking around the place to look for someone. Hehe. He's not even eating!

And now everyone's talking about some girl calling Sirius 'G-String Boy'. His fan girls have already vowed to kill whoever that said that, though some are thanking this anonymous girl for planting a vision of Sirius in a G-String in their minds.

Sick, I know.

Though it was funny when he heard that everyone knew he had been called G-String Boy. His expression was so priceless!

Luci Us or something like that (now free of injuries) was strutting past him, okay, then called him "Hello, G-String Boy. Wait – do you prefer that or blood traitor?"

And when everyone heard that – his mouth – dropped.

I know. Honestly. He was shouting so loudly and stuff, of _course_ he – and other people of course – would notice! Really, he's pretty thick.

Anyway, dinner was fine. I never really liked the food they served. I know – its weird. Most people love it, but I don't. I mean, house-elves had to make this stuff, so it's filled with magic. I like food Muggle-cooked. It feels more … nice, more natural, you know?

So I usually skip dinner and stuff and go to the kitchens. Did you know that the elves actually allow me to cook? They LET ME COOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's rather nice making your own meals sometimes, you know, when you have time anyway. I usually stay for dinner and stuff, but sometimes I make my own breakfasts or lunches. I've gotten quite good at it too! Well, I had to because my parents, as I probably said before, SUCK at cooking.

And it's really fun! I can make a _mean_ cake!

Well, whatever.

Anyway, I've unpacked all my stuff, and everything's looking cool … so all I need to do is put this diary down on my bedside table and blow out the stupid candle so I can sleep. Goodnight. Wait – its good morning, isn't it? I mean, when its 12:00, that's morning, so yeah. Okay, good morning.

-

**September 2nd**

**Gryffindor Table in the Great Hall **

**8:48 AM**

Hiya there. I couldn't bother making breakfast because when I went to the toilet and I was washing my hands, I got stuck in it (not IN the toilet, nor in the sink, just IN the little room that HAS the toilet and sink in it … wait. That's called a bathroom. Ha-ha). Well, I wasted a good twenty minutes shoving my useless and rather petite body against it until I realised I had my wand, so I blasted the door, and it went flying through the room, and then I realised I couldn't leave it like this so I spent another five minutes trying to remember the right spell to fix it.

By that time I was in a right mood and therefore not fit for making breakfast unless I wanted to get poisoned, or if I wanted to scare the poor little house-elves.

So that is the story of why I am sitting in the 'loner' spot at the Gryffindor table.

Well, you know what? I am used to calling G- no, Sirius Black G-String Boy, so I think I'll keep calling him that for a while …

Hoho.

And anyway, it's not like anyone will know. You know, me being a loner and all. I mean, what is the chance of G-String Boy – with all the pea-brain freaks people call girls – I call them idiotic pea-brained fan girls – finding out I will call him that when he doesn't even know what house I'm in? Hey, he doesn't even know my NAME!

MUAHAHAHA!

Oh yeah, I remember now. Ya see, I was flicking through YOU (HAHAHAHAHA) when I realised I've written down some names!

So that slimy git who was looking up my pants with that sick look of pleasure on his face is called Snape. Or Severus Snape, whatever. God – even his NAME sounds … slimy.

And the other flying dude who I thought was called Luci Us? Well, I was close enough. Maybe the person I heard the name from had a lisp. Whatever, he's called Lucius Malfoy. WHAT A SPOILT BRAT.

So, it's nearly class time. Let's see … my first class is … Transfiguration. Easy. I am so bored with all my classes. Well, time to make the most of it. Cyao!!

-

**September 2nd**

**9:10 AM**

**Transfiguration classroom**

Hi again. Well, since I've succeeded into turning myself into a dog (it's a SPELL! I'm not some random doggy person! I WILL NOT turn into a dog if I become an animgaus, so there. Okay? Got that? I used a spell to turn ME into a dog! If I wanted, I could use ANOTHER spell to turn myself into ... a ruddy owl if I wanted but we're learning dog here so there!), I'm going to write.

Well, the lesson started normally: Professor McGonagall had one of her special … speeches. You know, the one that makes you quake with fear in your boots. Only that doesn't work for me since I don't listen. HAHA.

Anyway, then we had to copy down a whole blackboard of notes, so I do that. I don't bother writing it, because throughout the years, I invented this little spell that does its note-taking for you! Cool, isn't it?

And then after reading the notes, I did as it suggested, and pointing the wand at myself, said some random word, and then suddenly I was a dog.

After a while, the spell wore off so I was myself again.

Oh, and no one noticed this except McGonagall, I could tell. I sit at the very back of the room in a little corner.

She gave me this nod, which I think means that I can now do what I want.

Well … I'll write again when something happens.

-

**September 2nd**

**10:24 AM**

**Still in the T room.**

T stands for Transfiguration by the way.

Okay, something happened.

No one has done it yet. I'm really shocked, I really am. I actually kind of expected some people to improve since it's their last year, but I was wrong.

Well, G-String Boy and that messy haired person I think is called James Potter have nearly done it. They both have dog ears, whiskers, a tail and lots of hair on their faces.

Boy, they look FUNNY!

Well, soon the bell will ring and I am betting everyone will be getting more than the homework McGonagall already gave us (a roll of parchment about the founder of this spell). I'm betting they'll have to learn the spell as additional homework too! Hah!

Hey, imagine if that note-taking charm I just invented becomes famous and teachers teach it to the students who come to school to be taught (haha that sentence is funny)? And then someone had to research the founder of this spell (me)!

Boy, what a waste of parchment. It's not like I'm interesting or anything. Well, if you could call being a loner with very sick parents interesting, then yes, I'm interesting.

Well, I think I'm going to take a little nap.

-

**September 2nd**

**12:57 PM**

**Kitchen**

Well here I am. One of our classes just got cancelled because the teacher (Professor Slughorn) got caught in a trap the Marauders did (something to do with jelly, piranhas, and slime).

So now I am eating my lunch (plain toasted sandwiches with cucumbers, mayo, chicken, lettuce and melted cheese) while sitting at a little table in the kitchen, watching the elves scurrying pass.

Mmmm! Yummy!

Well –

I think I hear something. And it's not elves either. Okay, I'll just cast an invisibility charm on me while these random intruders disturb my lunch.

…

Hmmmmmmmmmm …

God. It's the Marauders. Potter, Pettigrew, Lupin … and G-String Boy.

Hey! Look! They're taking bottles of tomato sauce! I BET they're using it for a prank. Why else would they be in here when they could still be lazing around in the Great Hall?

Omigosh!!! I FORGOT ABOUT MY PLATE AND THE ELVES WERE TOO BUSY GREETING THOSE DAMN MARAUDERS THEY FORGOT TOO!!!

That is very rare to happen. I think they must LOVE these people since I think they always come and actually LET the elves do the cooking and fetching and giving whereas I do it all by myself.

Anyway, that Remus Lupin boy just saw that plate, and he knows! He knows that someone has been here! Crap.

"Look at this, guys." That's right, that's what he's saying. The nerve of him! Grrrr …

"Um … it's a plate." Stupid Pettigrew. Tagalong. No, it's not just a plate – it's a sign that someone just left in a hurry and was eating lunch here and was skipping lunch in the Great Hall.

"And so?" says G-String Boy. I still can't believe he's seen me in undies!

"Yeah? So?" says Potter.

"Well, _obviously_," says Lupin, "someone has been here. And judging from the way a thin trail of crumbs have fallen off the plate and are on the floor, this someone didn't go to the Great Hall to eat, but instead ate here alone! Don't you think this is … strange? And I think this someone still might be here." Now Lupin's looking around.

Think what you want, mister. Hmph. Really. What is so strange about ditching stupid lunch? Oh, and I'm rolling my eyes.

"Well, it's probably just some loner person," G-String Boy sighs. "And now we have our tomato sauce, let's go."

Then suddenly he stops, and bends down. When he reappears, he's holding an old tie that didn't looked green, blue, purple, or even red – _my_ tie.

HOW DARE HE TOUCH MY TIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE I FORGOT MY TIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I took it off before I started cooking because I feel much more better cooking without something choking my neck.

Shush, he's talking. "What house tie is _this_?" G-String Boy demands.

SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Dunno," Potter shrugs.

"Meh," Pettigrew shrugs.

"I don't know," Remus says. At least he actually says more than one word and isn't acting like a caveman.

CONGRATULATIONS NON-CAVEMAN.

"Oh well." Now that came from G-String Boy.

…

HOW DARE HE POCKET MY TIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will get him back. Well, I could always summon it back, but later. I need to see his expression when the tie goes zooming out of his pocket.

Hehe.

Wait. They're talking.

"You know …" G-String Boy is saying.

"You know what?" Okay, that was from Non-Caveman, A.K.A. Lupin.

"Remember that girl I was telling you about?"

"You mean the one you told us was really pretty – pretty, you said, not hot – but dressed really badly and was a victim of Snape's scrutiny … up … _there_?" asks Non-Caveman.

Hmmmmm … this is getting interesting. Is G-String Boy actually interested in a girl? HAHAHA THAT'S FUNNY.

"Yeah. You know, this tie reeks of her."

Haha … wait. Did G-STRING BOY JUST COMPARE ME TO A PRETTY GIRL WHO DRESSES BADLY AND WAS A VICTIM OF SNAPE LOOKING UP HER SKIRT OR WHATEVER?

Yeah, and you know, this girl sounds a lot like me, other than the pretty bit. Hah! I mean, Snape was looking up my pants, and I dress … well, I LIKE the way I dress, but G-String Boy would probably think it was bad.

Hmmmm …

AND HOW DOES HE KNOW HOW THIS GIRL SMELLS??????

One word: stalker.

"What?" says Potter. "You actually know what that girl smells like? Do you _stalk _her?"

I think I will call G-String Boy obsessed. Don't you agree, oh demented diary of mine? Even his best friend thinks he's a stalker.

"No!" G-String Boy looks appalled. Hoho. "I am _not_ a stalker! Sirius Black _does not_ stalk people!"

"Then how do you know how she smells?" points out Lupin the Non-Caveman.

"It's just a feeling I have."

Okay, if I wasn't invisible, I would be snorting so loudly, everyone would probably think I was a hog. But they can't see me so I will save them the trouble of being scared of invisible hogs.

Okay, looks like that idiot Pettigrew boy is snorting for me.

Now Lupin the Non-Caveman is saying, "Oh _course_, Padfoot. It's just a _feeling_ you have. I mean, you've _only_ been talking about this girl a hundred times today, and you always look around in the Hall, and you do this so much you don't even eat! Oh, and it _really_ helps because you don't know her name, or what house she's in!"

I think if he wasn't so stupid and if I wasn't a loner, I will get along famously with this guy. At least someone else can be sarcastic.

Okay, now I'm chuckling. Crap! That Lupin guy is turning around. OMG! OH-MY-GOD!!!!!!!!!! HIS NOSTRILS ARE BIG AND FLARING AND HE LOOKS LIKE HE IS SNIFFING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You know, Lupin is a werewolf. It's so obvious. I mean, he missed school once a month when it's full moon. Plus lookit all those scratches on him! Man. Oh yeah, and his friends are always talking about his 'little furry problem'. How obvious can you be? God.

AND I FORGOT THAT WEREWOLVES HAVE STRONG SENSES SO HE CAN PROBABLY SMELL ME! CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"I smell … someone," Lupin's saying. "It's a girl."

Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Deftly, I pull out my wand (which is invisible too) in case something happens, and try to tiptoe my way out through the door.

"Really, Moony?" G-String Boy is saying.

And 'Moony'. God. Do they WANT people to know he's a werewolf? Well, I don't really care that much if he is. Everyone knows he won't do anything to harm a soul! It's only in his werewolf form he's dangerous, but then when it's full moon, he's not him, so yeah.

Oh no! 'Mooy' is coming my way. His nostrils are really spooking me. Okay, I should put you away since I can't really concentrate on sneaking away while writi

-

**September 2nd**

**2:29 PM**

**History of Magic**

Crap. Crap. Crap. You want to know what happened when I couldn't finish writing the word 'writing'?

Well, LUPIN CAUGHT MY ARM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know! The shock and horror! SHEESH!

Okay, when he … _touched me_, I grabbed his arm, twisted it, and ran off. Oh, and then I snuck over to G-String Boy while they were staring at Lupin – who was panting and saying "Ow, Ow, OW!!" to his arm – in confusion, and I swiftly grabbed my tie from his pocket and ran.

He didn't even notice it was gone!! Hehe!

Anyway, now I have my beloved tie back around my little neck. YAY!!!

And everyone in this class is now sleeping, except for Lily Evans. She's doodling. Ooooh! She's written Lily Potter all over her paper!! Hah! That is PRICELESS! It'll be so funny if James Potter actually sees that … But I'm not that mean.

Anyway, maybe I should take a break and sleep too. Bye-bye!

-

**September 2nd**

**10:04 PM**

**My ROOM!!!!!!!!! **

Okay, now I'm back in my room … and now I want to sleep. Is that a crime?

Honestly.

You know, there's this rumour going around!

Rumour: _Sirius Black has at last found love. However, this mysterious girl that has captured his heart seeks to remain anonymous. Whoever you are, STAY HIDDEN!! SIRIUS BLACK IS MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

That came from one of his fans. Her name? Mary Sue.

That's right. Mary Sue is 'President of the Official Sirius Black Fan Club'.

I know. Demented. You want to know some of the clubs? Here they are.

_The Official Sirius Black Fan Club_

_The Unofficial Sirius Black Fan Club_

_SIRIUS BLACK IS A SEXY BEAST!!!!!!!!!_ Club

_Sirius is My Idol_ Club

_Marry Me, Sirius!_ Club

_WE LOVE SIRIUS BLACK _Club

_The Mrs Blacks _Club

_The Ms Sirius Blacks_ Club

_Be Sirius_ Club

_Though a Blood Traitor, he is still HOT! _Club (that one is a Slytherin girl club)

_Sirius is Hot_ Club

_Sirius is sooooo sexy!! _Club

_We love Sirius and the Quidditch team _Club

You get the picture? There are more, but I don't want to waste anymore paper.

Okay, in other words, rumour has it that some random girl has made Sirius act strangely and has 'stolen' his heart.

When I saw a group of girls confront him, he denied it, so that's good. The world would turn upside down before Sirius Black, A.K.A. G-String Boy fell in love.

Night!

**HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Didja like it? Hmmm?? Sorry for how long it took!! Honestly! I am disgusted with myself! Wait … that was just a few days!! hehe**

**OMG I SOUND LIKE KIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**

…

**You know I haven't mentioned her name in this chapter.**

**Hoho.**

**Well, who cares!**

**And to those who thought the hot guy was Sirius Black … WELL DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

**Well, it was kinda obvious, but whatever.**

**See ya!**


End file.
